Bigfoot Backpacking Bonanza Page 2
Before we could go find Merle, I had to pull the giant dart from Grampa’s foot.
“This doesn’t seem safe,” said Grampa as I tied one end of a rope to the dart and the other to a rock.
“Relax,” I said. “It’ll only sting for a second.” And I threw the rock off a cliff.
CHAPTER 12
The Quest for Merle
After Grampa stopped shrieking, we prepared to go rescue Merle. Gramma was highly upset. She jumped up on a cliff and screamed, “I swear by everything that I hold sacred, including casseroles and soap operas, that I will find you, Merle!”
Suddenly, I spotted Bigfoot.
“Look!” I yelled. “Bigfoot’s taking Merle to the top of the Devil’s Rump!”
“What a bummer!” yelled Grampa.
So we climbed after them.
“Be careful!” I said. “This Rump is big and unstable.”
“You’re telling me!” said Grampa.
We found Jubal toward the top of the mountain.
“How the heck did you beat us up here?” asked Grampa.
“Oh, I took the escalator,” said Jubal. “It was much less tiring.”
CHAPTER 13
Cat Rescue Squad
We quietly snuck up to peer over the edge of the mountain and spy on Bigfoot.
“Here,” said Gramma. “Use these binoculars I made out of two old jelly jars.”
It looked like Bigfoot and Merle were hitting it off.
“Bigfoot’s got Merle!” said Grampa. “And he’s playing the string game with him. And Merle looks like he’s enjoying it!”
“Oh, I can’t stand it!” said Gramma.
We had to go in and get Merle, and the only way to do it was to camouflage ourselves. I smeared mud and twigs on my face.
Jubal bravely added some cactus to his ensemble.
Gramma disguised herself as her favorite shrub, the highly toxic white oleander.
And Grampa disguised himself as a wise old tree wizard.
“What?” said Grampa. “I thought we were playing dress up.”
We made our move. Jubal and I softly sang Bigfoot to sleep with a beautiful rendition of “Rock-a-Bye, Baby” while Grampa and Gramma moved in.
Grampa used two stones to light some twigs under Bigfoot’s stinky foot.
“Whooo-eeee!” said Grampa. “These feet smell worse than your Gramma’s bleu cheese and buttermilk soufflé!”
“I heard that!” said Gramma.
Bigfoot got a rude awakening, and he dropped Merle.
Luckily, Gramma was there to cushion Merle’s fall with her big, bushy bun.
CHAPTER 14
A Case of the Runs
Once we got Merle, we did what any crack rescue team would do—we ran screaming for our lives! Bigfoot was hot on our tails.
But we quickly came to the edge of the Devil’s Rump. Things weren’t looking too good.
“I don’t guess they’ve got a down escalator,” I said.
CHAPTER 15
Air Spud
Suddenly, Spudmaster Maximus flew in with his Robo Spuds!
“Well, well, well!” said Maximus. “You aren’t so tough without your army of squirrels and fluffy bunnies, are you! I knew you’d lead us straight to Bigfoot. Now we’re gonna grab that big galoot!”
Several of the flying Robo Spuds swarmed Bigfoot like a cloud of gnats, to distract him.
“I’m gonna show you a little maneuver I learned from watching Top Gun twenty-five times!” said Maximus as he led his Spud squadron in a steep dive at full speed.
But even flying Robo Spuds were no match for Bigfoot’s big feet. The beast gave them a mighty kick, sending them flying.
The Spuds were hurled into the chasm between the two cheeks of the Devil’s Rump.
“Don’t worry!” said Maximus. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Spudscouts. We have created the world’s biggest wedgie! We’ll be famous!”
CHAPTER 16
The End is Near
So there we were, trapped again by Bigfoot.
“Let’s just give Merle back to him,” said Grampa. “We can get a new pet. Maybe an iguana or one of those hissing cockroaches.”
But, to our surprise, a helicopter popped up from behind the cliff! It was Channel 5’s smarmy weatherman, Blue Norther, in his Whopper Doppler Chopper.
“Hop in, folks!” said Blue Norther. “I’m here to bravely pluck you from the jagged jaws of danger!”
“I don’t get it,” said Grampa as we flew off to safety. “How did Blue Norther know we were in trouble?”
“Oh, I called him,” said Gramma. “With this cell phone I made out of pebbles and tree moss.”
CHAPTER 17
That’s News to Me
Of course, our story of survival turned up on the news that night.
“And that, folks,” said Blue Norther, “is how I single-handedly put the smackdown on Bigfoot and saved the family of inexperienced campers. It’s a miracle I was able to fit this rescue into my busy schedule.”
“Oh, brother!” I moaned.
“You know, I’m gonna miss that place,” said Grampa. “Beautiful scenery, interesting wildlife, nonstop monster excitement, a giant rock shaped like a butt—I think we should go back there for spring break.”
So that’s all there is, folks.
For restoring the good name of the Spudscouts, Grampa was finally given the Silver Spud medal he had always wanted.
For tarnishing the good name of the Spudscouts, Spudmaster Maximus was given the Big Jerk medal he deserved and relocated to the Arctic Circle.
The Spudscouts were reprogrammed by top scientists and now perform in the popular Robo Spuds on Ice show every Wednesday and Saturday. Get your tickets now!
And after his upsetting kidnapping experience, Merle just needed some time to himself in a peaceful place where he could relax and recover…
Wait a minute! This story’s not over yet. It turns out that Bigfoot tracked Merle all the way home and kidnapped him yet again!
“Help!” I yelled. “Bigfoot just interrupted Merle while he was trying to do his business!”
“I know just how he feels!” yelled Grampa from the bathroom.
CHAPTER 18
On the Town with Bigfoot
Bigfoot took poor Merle downtown and started to tear up the place. He even used a city bus as a skateboard.
“Can’t he read the ‘No Skateboarding’ sign?” yelled the local military guy. “Let’s blast him!”
“Nooooo!” shouted Gramma. “You’ll blow up my cat!
CHAPTER 19
Helping Hans
“Vait a doggone minute!” said a voice in a funny accent. It was escaped criminal mastermind Hans Lotion and his grandson, Jurgen! Everyone jumped back in horror. “Don’t be afraid! I can help you calm ze savage beast vithout exploding ze cute kitty cat!”
“Ze source of Bigfoot’s anger is his feet,” said Hans. “Based on ze crusty nature and ze smell of de feet, I have determined zat he suffers from Tinea Pedis, or ‘athlete’s foot’ for all of you do-do brains out zere. Ve must relieve ze suffering in his feet.”
“And why should we trust a crazed criminal like you?” asked Grampa.
“Because I used to be a foot doctor and I vill not allow my beloved city to be destroyed by a hairy monkey man. If anyvone is going to destroy zis town, it vill be me!”
Bigfoot’s athlete’s foot gave me an idea. I ran over to the local construction sight.
“Everyone, get over here!” I yelled. “Grab some lumber and some paint and some hammers!”
“Are we remodeling the bathroom?” asked Grampa.
“No! I’ve got a plan to save Merle and capture Bigfoot without any more carnage.”
“Sounds kinda boring,” complained Grampa.
CHAPTER 20
A Little of the Bubbly
We all headed to Manny’s Hot Tub Plantation for a little renovation. Manny wasn’t too crazy about it.
“Hey
guys!” yelled Officer Brightwell.
“Bigfoot’s eating the Krispy Scream donut shop! That’s a national landmark. We’ve really gotta blow him up!”
But we had other plans.
“Yo! Bigfoot!” I yelled.
“Come and soak your dogs in this hot, soothing footbath! That’s right! It’s the world’s largest, made for the biggest, stinkiest, itchiest feet in the world!”
Bigfoot couldn’t resist. He ran over to us.
Bigfoot jumped in the footbath and let out a sigh of relief. The big guy seemed happy as he soothed his fungus-filled feet.
But he was in for a surprise!
“That’s not soothing medicated water!” I yelled. “That’s quick-drying cement. Now we’ve got you, you big bully cat thief!”
Bigfoot was stuck. With some strategic tickling we got him to drop Merle and have a good laugh.
CHAPTER 21
Hugs, Fungus, and Bugs
Merle was reunited with his beloved family, again, and Gramma gave him a big bear hug.
“Careful, Granny!” said Grampa. “Don’t squeeze him too hard. The way I figure, that cat’s only got one of his nine lives left!”
Okay, so that’s the end of my story. For real. Bigfoot was dropped back on top of the Devil’s Rump with a year’s supply of itchy foot ointment.
Grampa gave him a new kitty.
“Here ya go,” said Grampa.
“His name’s Jo-Jo. Try not to eat him!”
And Hans was rewarded by the mayor for helping to save the town from destruction. All of his previous charges were dropped, and he was allowed to reopen his doctor’s office.
“I still don’t trust that mustached menace,” said Grampa.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I think he’s changed his evil ways. Maybe deep down underneath, Hans is a really good guy.”
Boy, was I wrong.
CRACKPOT SNAPSHOT
World-famous nature photographer Possum Lixum snapped these two shots of Bigfoot, but something’s not quite right with that second picture. Help our scientists pick out the differences before they’re published in Natural Geographic magazine.
The answers are on the next page. Anyone caught cheating will be forced to give Bigfoot a stinky foot massage!
Kirk Scroggs was born and raised in Austin, Texas and studied film at the University of Texas. He is the author and illustrator of the Wiley & Grampa’s Creature Features series and the Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet series. He lives in Los Angeles.
Read all the Wiley & Grampa’s Creature Features books!
Wiley & Grampa #1: Dracula vs. Grampa at the Monster Truck Spectacular
Wiley & Grampa #2: Grampa’s Zombie BBQ
Wiley & Grampa #3: Monster Fish Frenzy
Wiley & Grampa #4: Super Soccer Freak Show
Wiley & Grampa #5: Bigfoot Backpacking Bonanza
Wiley & Grampa #6: Hair Ball from Outer Space
Wiley & Grampa #7: Night of the Living Eggnog
Wiley & Grampa #8: Phantom of the Waterpark
Wiley & Grampa #9: Curse of the Kitty Litter
Wiley & Grampa #10: Jurassic Grampa
The Monster Book of Creature Features: Wiley & Grampa’s First Three Adventures
Read all the Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet books!
Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet
Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet: Clash of the Class Clowns
Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet: The Good, the Bad, and the Fuzzy
Tales of a Sixth-Grade Muppet: When Pigs Fly
For more great reads and free samplers, visit
www.LBYRDigitalDeals.com
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Welcome
Dedication
CHAPTER 1: This Spud’s for You
CHAPTER 2: The Long Walk of Shame
CHAPTER 3: Packed with Excitement
CHAPTER 4: Rock Bottom
CHAPTER 5: Grampa’s Survival Guide
CHAPTER 6: Grampa’s Flashback Crunch
CHAPTER 7: Let’s Get Hairy
CHAPTER 8: Club Dread
CHAPTER 9: It’s All Gone Kong
CHAPTER 10: Kickin’ into Gears
CHAPTER 11: Call of the Wild
CHAPTER 12: The Quest for Merle
CHAPTER 13: Cat Rescue Squad
CHAPTER 14: A Case of the Runs
CHAPTER 15: Air Spud
CHAPTER 16: The End is Near
CHAPTER 17: That’s News to Me
CHAPTER 18: On the Town with Bigfoot
CHAPTER 19: Helping Hans
CHAPTER 20: A Little of the Bubbly
CHAPTER 21: Hugs, Fungus, and Bugs
Crackpot Snapshot
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright
Copyright © 2007 by Kirk Scroggs
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017
www.lb-kids.com
Series design by Saho Fujii
The illustrations for this book were done in Staedtler ink on Canson Marker paper, then digitized with Adobe Photoshop for color and shade.
The text was set in Humana Sans Light and the display type was handlettered.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First ebook edition: May 2007
ISBN 978-0-3163-2390-1